Editorial Feedback I Often Give My Writers (& What You Can Learn From It)

Having been a book editor and writing coach for the last 7 years, I see a lot of the same things cropping up in the books I work on. If you’ve ever worked with me — or any other editor — you might feel like you’re the only one who gets told to “show not tell” or to add more to your descriptions. The reality is, that’s the kind of feedback I’ve given to almost every writer I’ve ever worked with. It’s also the kind of feedback I’ve received from beta readers and editors.

Why?

Because it’s always the same elements that get forgotten and brushed over in drafting. And even when we revise, it can be hard to view our work objectively enough to see what’s missing.

So here are the 4 most common pieces of advice I give to the writers I work with.

#1 Add more internal monologue

Most writers I know skimp on internal monologue. Many view it as something that slows down the story, and while that’s true it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes slow is just what we need.

Internal monologue helps give depth to the POV character and develop the emotion of a scene.

When your character is facing something that sparks a strong emotion — be it fear, anger, grief, or joy — take a moment to expand on their thoughts.

• What is their thought process?

• What do they understand about the situation?

• What do they consider as their next steps?

By developing internal monologue, you can create scenes with emotional resonance.

#2 Develop the protagonist’s goal (probably earlier than you think)

Developing your protagonist’s goal can be tricky. Maybe your protagonist doesn’t have an obvious goal at the beginning — maybe there isn’t anything they are actively trying to achieve. However, if you look closely, I’m sure you’ll find their goal, it might just be subtle.

For example:

• The Hunger Games — Katniss’s initial goal is just to take care of her family. It’s only after her sister is selected at the Reaping that she enters the Games and her goal changes.

• The Lord of the Rings — Frodo’s initial goal is to take the Ring of Power to Mordor and destroy it. While that remains his goal throughout, another goal that develops is the internal struggle to resist the ring’s evil power.

Your protagonist’s goal is what drives the entire plot, even if it changes throughout. Without a clear goal, your story will lack direction and focus. To avoid this, introduce the goal early on to set up reader expectations.

Sometimes, the primary goal doesn’t arise until the inciting incident, which is usually around 10-15% of the way into the book. In order to keep readers intrigued enough to get to the inciting incident, consider how you can hint at the goal.

For example:

• Your character might feel like an outsider who’s misunderstood and ostracised by society. All they want is to belong. Enter: the inciting incident with an opportunity that will give them the chance to fit in.

• Maybe your character is desperate to maintain their freedom and independence and the inciting incident gives them the very opportunity they need to make that happen.

You can help set up your protagonist’s overarching goal by establishing what they want, what they need, and what they struggle with in the opening chapters.

#3 Raise the stakes and develop the tension

This is a big one. Even the most amazing concept and characters can’t sustain a plot lacking stakes and tension.

Stakes and tension are inextricably linked. Stakes = something at risk. Having something at risk = tension and suspense. High stakes usually means high tension.

Now, this doesn’t mean you need to throw a life-or-death element into your story if it isn’t going to fit the plot. What “high stakes” means is that it’s high stakes for your protagonist and their specific goal.

For example:

• Crime: A serial killer is going to strike in 24-hours unless our detective protagonist can stop them.

• Fantasy: A prince has been accused of the king’s murder and now his sister must race to prove his innocence and catch the real assassin before his trial.

• Romance: A holiday romance has the potential to be something more, if only our commitment-phobe protagonists would put aside their pride and pain and tell each other how they really feel.

Stakes are always relative to the plot and what your characters experience. Make them struggle to achieve their goal, make them fail, make them have false victories, so that the question of “will they achieve their goal” feels uncertain for the reader.

#4 Add more visceral reactions to “show” rather than “tell”

Last but not least, one of the biggest pieces of advice I give my writers is to “show not tell”. If you’ve ever Googled “writing advice” you’ve probably come across this term.

“Showing” in writing refers to describing the visceral and sensory details rather than “telling” them through a summary or explicitly stating the attached feeling.

For example:

Telling = I felt cold.

Showing = Goosebumps raced up my arms.

I often encourage my writers to add more visceral responses from their POV character, such as the character’s stomach dropping, palms sweating, heart racing, etc. A physical response can be so evocative for the reader to inform them how they should feel and evoke the relevant emotions.

A visceral response paired with internal monologue can have a huge emotional impact and make a scene far more vivid and compelling.

If you can incorporate these four things into your writing, you can create more impactful and engaging stories!

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